So I would like to share my opinion on another controversial subject, apart from friends with benefits, one night stands for women.
There are different scenarios. Usually you meet a guy at a party, club or something, you like him, you hook up, maybe you dance or even kiss afterwards. And you want to take the fun elsewhere: your place, his place, or a neutral place.
Or another scenario is when you kinda know the guy, you kinda want something not-so-serious with him. In other words you just want him for a night.
As a woman, you do have needs and curiosity when it comes to guys, right? So you might think something like: Do I want this guy? Yes. Do I want a relationship with this guy? Not really, he is not dating material. He is more like, a one night curiosity idea. This might stay there, you just consume the one night thing or it might evolve. Ideally this evolves in friends with benefits — and I will explain this later on, or in a date that leads eventually to more dates and so on until relationship happens.
So, firstly, should women have one night stands? Yes. This is needed because one, you do have needs do not try to hide or negate them and second, you are curious. About him physically. And you can make your own scenario on that. So, why wait? Why negate your needs and refuse yourself a one night stand?
Well this depends on him too. And a one night stand cannot be possible if he says no. So, keep in mind that yes, you can allow yourself a one night stand but you need his approval. And it might be difficult to get one. As a woman you have your tricks and confidence, and you must leave your fear behind. Keep in mind that we are all humans on this Earth and we are basically not so different. Men are said to be more opened regarding this type of engagement, but this is not a rule. And I am not talking about married or involved in a relationship guys, I am talking about single guys. One reason can be the fact that he is scared about doing this: what if she does this thing only to get me there and then became a crazy girl? Crazy girl meaning: phone or message after, asking to go on dates, making a crisis telling something like — you used me! Well if you are like that, maybe you should not go and have a one night stand. Or if you like that guy and you think he has boyfriend material for you this is not the way to start your relationship. So if the guy is scared, he might refuse you. What I do not understand is why some guys put a label like this on you if they do not know you that well and they refuse you because of what might happen — you overreacting in any way after the hookup — and this leads me to number 2.
He is just not that into you. A guy mind is something like, she is fine but I am not that attracted to her. Which is a normal thing. It can be possible for you to be an awesome girl and he does not want you. Rejection is OK, yes, it hurts, but it is a part of the process. And if you propose this to him and he says no, the problem is not on you, it is in the middle: he is not interested in you so do not take it personally.
If is not the crazy girl, nor the non attraction, there might be some other reasons. But he might or might not tell you that, so you should better just forget about him.
How do I propose this type of engagement? As a woman you might be scared of rejection. Yes, it sucks, but most of us have already experienced it. The good scenario is when you are in a casual situation, with some drinks and you start a nice talk with the person. You can tell him something like: I like your smile / laugh. This is neutral. But something more like: do you want to have drinks with me one day, is not really appropriate — you do not want to date that person. So, “I like your laugh. And when I am around you I feel something strange. It is like I want to find something, I am curious about you.” Strange is OK. Guys like to be provoked. “I am curious how it would be to do some things with you.” Guys like to be told straight up what you want to do, but most of them can be scared if you tell directly so this can be wrapped up into this. And if the guy is not stupid and you are not telling him with fear, and you use a sexy voice, he will understand that “some things with you” mean “bed things”. But keep in mind that confidence is the key. If you are in a club for example is simpler, just try to be near him as much as possible and then act natural. Be confident and do you tricks. This is the best scenario for a one night stand.
So he says yes, you have a wonderful night and then what is next? Do not call. Do not text. First rule. If you exchange phone numbers. Do not ask for coffee later, this will put you in the crazy girl situation. You must not be like that. If he wants to do that again, he will text or call. This situation might evolve in friends with benefits and for that I have wrote another article: When you are good enough to sleep with but not good enough to invest feelings in. Or in a relationship, not the best way to start, but it is a start. If he asks you for a coffee later on do not overreact. He might just want to discuss this and propose a friends with benefits engagement. Or, for dating which will lead to a relationship. Do not EVER assume that a one night stand will lead to a relationship or that the guy has feelings for you. This is a disaster situation. Do not be crazy.
To sum up, one night stands are a good way to have fun and explore a curiosity of yours. Be confident and do your tricks as a woman when you suggest this to the guy. Do not have expectations and be prepared to: get rejected and not be called after. After all is just a hook up. And last but not least, having a one night stand does not make you less of a lady that you are nor it destroys your reputation — it is a normal thing in an evolved world.
