I am writing this article as a personal belief to all those women who got ghosted by men. This is not tabu. It is happening. It is the 21th century dating world.
After being ghosted again for the N time, I wondered: Why this keep happening to me? What it is wrong with me?
So, I did what every woman would do. I googled it.
I found many Cosmo articles with absolutely no information in it, telling you to enjoy your life, go out in clubs and have hobbies like this is the answer to the question: Why do guys keep ghosting me?
And ask people for their opinion. Here is a summary and what I have learnt from it. Did I get the answer I was looking for?
Person 1. You have low self-esteem and low standards.
Self-esteem is OK, not high, not low. Standards are not too high, but definitely not low — I would say medium. C’mon, in a country where the women population is 52% compared to 48% (with other factors involved like age, marriage), high standards will just lower the chances to meet a guy. Any guy. Yeah, it is nice to find a prince charming but too high standards are not OK.
Unscrupulous men can sense desperation, low self-esteem and loneliness in women like a shark smells blood.
Person 2. He is immature, he does not want to communicate.
He has very poor communication skills. Or he just want to avoid a scene that you might cause by being angry. Also, getting dumped with no explanation means that the story is not over, he is not seeking closure.
Really? Do men think that a woman will take him back after HE ghosted her? Only a woman with very low self-esteem and desperate would do that!
Person 3. You are clingy.
Two scenarios, tested: did it, got ghosted and didn’t do it and got ghosted. Not too attached. Not giving hopes, but still staying consistent and faithful.
Maybe if you give him a text message or call one in three days, you suffocate the guy. Or you are not interested. And if you text him daily, you suffocate him. Really? I am feeling like the British Researchers.
What is the average number of texts or calls in a week not to suffocate a guy or seem clingy?
Person 4. You give him boyfriend things when he is not your boyfriend.
If you give him too much too soon, he looses his interest. And he gets to the next girl, waiting for him right around the corner. I once read in Cosmo that you must date a guy six months before making him your boyfriend. This is bullshit.
A guy will lose his interest if you drag him to 100 parks, cafes, pubs, restaurants, before he gets something. Yes, men like to chase, but don’t play TOO hard to get.
Person 5. High value men have choices and he made his.
This answer was hard to swallow. Guy = high value dumps woman. A simple logic says that the woman is not high value. So the obvious question was:
How can I be a high value woman, so that I won’t get ghosted?
My Opinion
The answer is somewhere in between.
In my opinion, women are in a very big disadvantage. We are too many compared to guys. This explains why we are so desperate to get a guy because the competition is big and there are plenty of fish is the sea. That is the truth.
It is very very easy for a guy to replace you, to find another woman and it is very very hard for a woman to get a guy.
So, what’s the answer to my question: Why do guys keep ghosting me?
Am I needy?
Am I not enough?
Am I not a high value woman?
Are all the women in the world better than me?
Comparison is the mother of all fuck-ups.
Another person told me that you should be yourself, independent, not desperate. And wait. Yes, that is a very good cliche.
But when a thing happens in a row, you must analyze it. Find the causes. Correct them. Because it is an infinite loop. The loop you must escape from.
If you do not find the causes and correct them, you will keep getting ghosted.
Overall, I do think there any causes, many causes. Maybe the guys are really immature, but all of them? Maybe there are lots of things wrong as an individual, but how to correct them? How to escape the loop?
So, what is the answer? How can I change, what should I do?
Asking this question to people I do not know made me realize that many people have different opinions. Some were never ghosted (lucky!) so the opinion was without knowing how it really feels.
Others were ghosts (lucky!) and they did that because they could not see a future with that person or they did not wanted a relationship in that time.
So, my final question is:
Why do you enter in a relationship if you are not ready for it? Why do you give that person hopes and dreams, when you KNOW you will ghost it eventually?
Unscrupulous men.
